Classifieds

Single White Male looking for religious
discussion. Prefer someplace private
so the uneducated can’t interrupt us. 
New in town, so my place isn’t set up 
yet. How about yours? 
Contact (210-555-8345).
Open to heathens and faithful alike.
 
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SAMaritan Motorcycle Club (V)
Ride a motorcycle? Like to tour San
Antonio Nightlife? Looking for like-
minded individuals to cruise with?
Look no further! San Antonio-
Maritan Riders is looking for you!
SAMaritan Riders. Good guys and 
good times. Want to be a SAMaritan
backer? We’re Ladies too! Whether
you want to support your local 
SAmaritan or think you’d look great
on the back of a bike, give us a call.
210-555-6721
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NAUGHTY FUN (V)
Are you someone who fantasizes about being degraded
and humiliated? Does it turn you on when someone
treats you like property or simply less-than-human?
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, because we all have
our fetishes, and we would enjoy helping you fulfill 
yours. Joanne is tall, dark, and athletic, and loves to 
push you around. Juliet is a slender, blue-eyed 
Southern belle who can turn up the heat. And there
are many more. $300.00/hr. 
Call Cleo at 210-555-4543 
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(M) Last week, you published an article
about the “War on Faith.” Are you
trying to be funny? Are you truly so
blind? There is a war being waged
against REALITY. Corporations,
being treated as people, Politicians
making insane decisions with no
oversight, Advertising being thrown
at you 24/7, and you have to act as
though you’re being persecuted for
your faith! This is not a matter of
Christianity, Islam, or Atheism, this
is a matter of Independence and
Freedom. We are living in a Fallen
World, according to almost every
faith, but the ‘Masters’ that want
to rule it are not the dangers that
you imagine crawling out of every
shadow, coming for your guns, or
your tax dollars, or your jobs. The
true threats are after your souls, your
very will! If you want to talk about
“Salvation,” you must stand up for
what is True, and Save Yourself.

-Anonymous.

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(V) Police are offering a cash reward
for anyone who may have information
regarding the disappearance of a police
truck. The truck was on its way to the disposal
site with police contraband. It failed
to arrive at its destination. If you have any
information regarding this, please contact
the SAPD at (210) 555-7865 (210) 555-7865


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Super Petz Super Food
New State-of-the-art
Formula!



The first food designed
to be healthy for both
dogs AND cats!
Available now at
PetSmart! (V)


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insidetoday



JOB FAIR ! (M)
Do you enjoy helping the less fortunate? Do you have strong communication skills? Are you in good physical shape?
PsychCare Services has the job for you! Now hiring orderlies, drivers, and security staff! A growing number of patients means a great new career for YOU!
Apply in person at any PsychCare hospital or call our hotline at 1-800-PSYCAR!

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Were you harmed by Gerontology Associates of San Antonio? (V)
Were you or someone you love infected with Blood Parasites, HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, West Nile Virus or Malaria? We at the offices of Dewey, Cheetum and Howe are gathering evidence of wrongdoing for our class action lawsuit against Gerontology Associates of San Antonio. If you have any information, or would like to know more about the Class Action Lawsuit, Please call our offices at the number.
555-555-5432


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San Antonio Celtic Boxing Club


Private Locker Rooms
State-of-the-art Facility
Personal Trainers and Instructors
3150 Olmos Creek Dr. Phone: (210) 547-8693


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Trusted for Generations


Franco SanGiovanni
Funeral Director
Your dead are in experienced hands.
Porter Loring Funeral Home & Cremation Services.
Discrete special services also available.
Two locations.
Email us for more information.